I was listening to my favorite oldie station again and the song, “Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?” by Anne Murray came on. I sang along. Right after that song came, “I’m sorry” by Brenda Lee.
At first, I thought how ironic. But then I realized it was perfect together: I want to dance with my spouse for the rest of my life and that will include saying “I’m sorry” several times!
I will step on his toes. He will step on my toes, too.
We will hurt each other, disappoint one another, and through it all love (and dance with) each other for the rest of our lives. Well, at least that’s my plan! Wait, let me check with him….yep, he says it’s his plan too! So we’re good.
But seriously, we have said “I’m sorry” to the other many, many times over the years. {I was the one who usually would say it because I’m the one whose tongue would get her into trouble!}. We agreed early on to keep short accounts. That means we don’t wait and hold onto things. We check with each other often. We clear up any wrongs, slights, sins, etc that do occur. We practice forgiveness.
We have created a safe, healthy, good environment in which to do so. It didn’t happened overnight. I certainly brought a few extra suitcases of “leftover childhood baggage” along for the first 10 years! That didn’t help, but it is very common. He brought a little overnight bag with him.:-) It takes effort and hard work, as well as lots and lots of patience. Do you have the patience to work with, and not against, your spouse in unpacking your suitcases? Helping him unpack his?
I worry about our ability to persevere these days. I can’t tell you how often simple concepts seem foreign to my sons. Take for example, “studying”. To most of us over 35 years old, that equals “reading the chapter, taking notes, re-reading them again, going through flashcards”. Actually doing something. My sons don’t always get that. My opinion is that since they can (and the teachers encourage them) and do retake tests, redo papers, there’s really no logical reason to study in the first place. Just redo it. No big deal. They don’t receive a big fat “0” like I did when I didn’t study! Nothing bad really happens. So, why study in the first place? Where’s their motivation?
I think sometimes married people think something similar to their spouses and marriage: “I’ll just trade him/her in; I’ll get a new one; this one’s too much work!” Perhaps thinking of marriage like one, long, waltz might help? Remembering that we said “I will” stick around in the bad times, in sickness, in poor times would probably help too. I think that marriage requires a ton of patience and the ability to say “I’m sorry, will you please forgive me, I was so wrong”.
So, here’s to great old love songs: Go ask your husband if you “could have this dance for the rest of my life” and try not to step on his toes!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Pam Bass is a wife, mom, and licensed Christian counselor, who has helped hundreds of people over the last 23 years. She desires wives especially to be cognizant of the way the American culture can influence our stated Christian values. Through her blog, she hopes to encourage women (in particular) to know and trust what God tells us in His word. Find out more at www.pambass.com